Friendships

Miss B started nursery in September. My baby girl is not really a baby any more, even though she’s still only 3. She doesn’t like that she’s still only 3. ‘Why am I still only 3 and a ‘baby’ half, Mummy?’ She wants to be 4 and she wants it now!

Quite naturally (I hope), I have noticed the difference between Little S at school and B at school. Of course they are both different, which I’m glad of, but I find it interesting to see how they cope with situations in their own way.

I think I’ve kind of got used to S not having friends. Ok he has friends, the children whose parents I befriended and spent many days drinking coffee and chatting with, whilst the children trashed the bedroom or jumped on the trampoline. But he doesn’t really make friends himself. No endless requests for playdates. Not many parties. No he said/she said spats to console him over. It’s ok though, because he’s happy like that.

Miss B, my gorgeous darling Miss B, is totally different. Within weeks she knew every other child in nursery. She is always telling me about her friends and what they’ve done. All the fallings out, what they’ve said, the nice things they’ve done for each other and the games they’ve played. It’s been a real eye opener.

It’s weird though, I’ve been a bit nervous about this stage in my daughter’s life. I worry that she will fall out with friends, that she might get left out or picked on. I worry that she will be the one who picks on the others. She is a lovely, sweet little girl who hates to see someone upset. But she also won’t stand for any nonsense, and you’ll know this if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of hands on the hips and ‘the look’.

At the moment I’m trying to leave her to it. I’m resisting getting involved in fallings out, because I know that the next day they will be friends again. I’ve started working at the school during lunch, and I’ve seen enough squabbles to last me a lifetime, but you can guarantee before you start dealing with the next one, children have made up and forgotten about it.

It’s all part of growing up, isn’t it?

Why Are My Eyes Melting, Mummy?

Our Little S has grown so much since starting Year 1 in September, and that’s not just his height. During his year in Reception, it was a mission to get him to read or do homework. We agreed not to force it with him. Instead we let him go at his own pace.

This year however, he has a sudden thirst for knowledge. He matter of factly told us that he had to learn to read so he can read his Lego books and the websites he likes to look at. He’s flying through the Oxford Reading Tree books at school. We still let him choose when to read and at the moment he’s really keen. He wants to do everything in his own time, thank you very much!

S has matured, as much as a 6 year old can be mature. He notices things that we don’t, and sometimes his insight and wisdom shocks us. I think it’s because he sees everything logically, and because he shuts people out, he has more time to take in everything he sees and learn from it.

As he’s grown older, I’ve noticed his autistic traits a lot more. They are somehow becoming more defined, as if he’s honing and improving them as he grows, if that makes sense? W and I have noticed that he is struggling with his emotions lately, in particular sadness and crying.

Anyone who knows S, knows that he’s always happy. He cried when he was a baby of course, and when he was a toddler, but rarely cries ‘for real’. He pretends to cry if Miss B whacks him with something, or if someone gets in the way of the TV, but doesn’t often really cry.

Lately, for many reasons, he has been crying more often. 

If I ask him if he’s crying and why, he shakes his head and bangs himself against me, insisting that it isn’t crying. He won’t even let us say the word any more.

‘My eyes are melting. They keep doing it. Water comes out of my eyes and makes me wet. I don’t know why my eyes melt. They do it every day.’ At the same time he shakes his head and makes noises in the way he often does.

I’ve asked him how he feels ‘when water comes out of his eyes’ and he can’t tell me. I ask him if he’s feeling sad and he says no. We have to try and figure out what’s wrong with him with the few details he’s given us, if we’re not there to see the cause of upset.

It’s been really upsetting me to see S like this. I know it’s just crying, and it doesn’t last long, but to see him struggle with these emotions makes me feel useless. I’m his Mummy and I’m there to comfort him, but I can’t. If the act of crying hurts him, then how can crying help him like it should? That release we all need from time to time to help us get rid of pent up feelings and frustrations?

I’m planning to seek advice from our local Autism Family Support and see if they have any ideas of how to handle this. I’d love to hear from anyone else who’s had experience with this problem, with an autistic child or not. How do you help your child to cope with their emotions?

The 2012 Return…

Ok, so I’m back on the blogging wagon. For how long, who knows? The need has returned so I’m giving into it.

A lot has been happening over the past 4 months or so since I last blogged. Time has been racing by and I can’t keep up with it. Little S is 6 now and not so little. Baby B is 3 and a half and definitely not a baby any more, even if she is still my baby. So I’ve decided to call her Miss B on the blog from now on.

In a nutshell, the end of 2011 saw me complete my Entry to Working as a Teaching Assistant course at Level 2, Little S started Year 1 and Miss B started Nursery. I was also diagnosed with Osteoarthritis in my hands, so typing has become an issue. It’s in the early stages but was very painful over the Autumn. I have it controlled now with painkillers when I need them, and luckily I’ve had little pain over the past 2 months. It’s times like this that I wish I’d insured my hands!

So I hope to update the blog in a bit more detail very soon. In the meantime I’m still on Facebook as much as ever, and I hope to frequent Twitter a bit more again. I hope to see you all there…